


Wait A Little Bit Longer

by DesdemonaSighs



Series: Feel it in the way / Read it in the signs [2]
Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2013-07-24
Packaged: 2017-12-20 20:23:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesdemonaSighs/pseuds/DesdemonaSighs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is pretty sure their love story is epic. Arthur isn't the only person who doesn't think so, but that's just because they don't see it through his (not rose tinted) glasses. </p><p>Alternatively titled: Merlin's Redemption.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wait A Little Bit Longer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [to everyone who thinks Merlin is a heartbreaker (especially the lovely derulo!)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=to+everyone+who+thinks+Merlin+is+a+heartbreaker+%28especially+the+lovely+derulo%21%29).



> Because Merlin isn't really aware of anything. An angsty Merlin is a good Merlin.

**1.**

Merlin Emerson is bad with love. Quite frankly, it's a bit disconcerting how bad he is at dating. The hard part isn't the getting together, really, it's more the staying together that makes Merlin scratch his head and shrug. Shrugging at relationships usually gets him punched, so he only does the shrugging around Arthur, his best mate, and occasionally Morgana, his first ever girlfriend. It helps that Morgana and Arthur are siblings because he can pop in on Sunday dinner, complain about his love life, and get a well cooked vegan meal out of it. Morgana is just a lovely person like that. 

Merlin is a lonely person. He's always been a lonely person. Nothing changes that, no matter what he tries, and that's the worst thing about being Merlin. Not the disastrous ears or the horrible fashion sense, but the loneliness. Whatever. Merlin can deal. He's been alone ever since his mother's death, and he could live being that way until the end of time. 

Arthur is pretty much anything but supportive of Merlin's dating. He often says that Merlin should stop trying to force his horrible relationships on the world and stay single with four cats forever. Arthur just doesn't get it. He's gorgeous and charming and he doesn't need to put any effort in anything he does, even love. Especially love, he thinks, because Arthur never seems worried about girlfriends or first date jitters or sex. Arthur must get a lot of sex, looking like a blond god straight out of a Hollister catalog. 

Not that Merlin looks at Hollister catalogs or wanked over one or anything. And even if he did, it wasn't the one that looks like Arthur who models for the boardshort section. Morgana just left one lying around the flat that one time and he promptly threw it away. Mhm. 

Anyways, after dating Leon, Merlin is ready to give up. Because, really, if you break up with Leon – basically the shiniest of knights in shining armour – because you have a perverse need to jerk off whenever you see your best friend with his shirt off, then, well, you're hopeless. And that means Merlin is hopeless. Damn. 

It's not weird. It's not a thing. It's just sometimes a thing. Like, Arthur is hot and straight and super unattainable and Merlin's prat of a best friend, so it's okay to fantasize about licking those sweet vanilla abs. 

Merlin meets Freya at orchestra practice and it's perfect. It's really very much perfect. She's quiet and she plays the violin and she doesn't try to take him away from Arthur. Even Leon had been jealous of Arthur and Merlin's friendship, even though he had continuously said that it was just that. Just friends. That's all Arthur and Merlin are. That is all they ever will be. 

Freya is lovely, and she makes him forget about how much he wants to get into Arthur's pants. It's not like he has feelings for the prat. His cock just has feelings for Arthur's arse. It's sad. 

And then she runs away to France with some bloke with a beard and Merlin's carefully built Freya-barrier, the only thing keeping him from feeling terribly, horribly alone in this world, comes crashing down. 

Morgana takes him to the bar and everyone is there. And he shouldn't feel as lonely as he does because look- there's all your friends, but he is. Can't help it. And it's hard. It's really hard. 

He doesn't even think about it when Arthur drags him into the alley next to the pub so he can have a good cry. It's not what he needs, and when Arthur asks him what he does need, the alcohol starts talking for him. _A good blowjob_ , he slurs into Arthur's shirt, the tears coming anyways, _don't think you'd be willing to, eh?_

Arthur is on his knees before Merlin even has the time to think about what's going on. 

**2.**

They don't talk about it. Merlin wishes he could say that it's Arthur's fault they don't talk about it, but it's really him. He knows it's a mistake, and he knows Arthur thinks that too, and just thinking of Arthur saying that it didn't mean anything – doesn't mean anything – breaks his heart. Merlin doesn't know if he wants it to mean anything. He just knows that it does mean something. 

It's easy, after that, to fall into Gwaine's arms. Gwaine is simply that: easy. He's just Gwaine from the coffeehouse who plays guitar and eats meat substitute for Merlin and makes loving Merlin seem like a second nature. And Merlin thinks he may be able to love him back, the same way he had loved Leon – like a low burning flame, warming the darkness within Merlin's chest. He isn't so lonely or numb when he's with Gwaine. And that is enough. 

Arthur drifts away in increments, and that's okay too. Merlin doesn't expect much from him anymore, not after _the incident_ and it's just a blessing to have him still be able to look at Merlin. Drunken fumbles are no good for friendships, Merlin decides. 

Things are simple, then. Gwaine holds his hand for everyone to see. He tucks unruly strands of curls behind Merlin's ear. He fixes his glasses on the corner of his soft shirt and goes to watch him practice piano. Morgana and Gwen start hissing under their breath whenever they're together, but Gwaine just smiles and wraps his arm around Merlin's shoulder. And sometimes, it's enough. 

The Christmas party calls for Merlin's vegan fruitcake recipe, which everyone but Arthur claims to hate. Arthur really does like it, so when Merlin and Gwaine arrive to the party, platters filled with fruitcake, Merlin nearly drops it at the sight of Arthur. It's been weeks since they've done anything more than talk over the phone and text. Arthur's avoidance of him is enough to make things awkward, but when Arthur comes up with a grin, stealing the plate from Merlin's shaking hands, it is alright. It unravels something carefully hidden away within Merlin, and looking at Arthur makes him feel like he's finally breathing right again. Their eyes meet, and the frisson is undeniable and hot and maybe it isn't just Merlin's cock that is in love with Arthur. Maybe it's all of him. 

After that, Gwaine and Arthur get to talking about sports or whatever the jocks talk about, and Merlin leans against Morgana's side, smiling into his drink and trying to remember a time when he's felt this happy. He falls asleep with his head on Morgana's shoulder and a feeling of warmth in his chest. 

When he wakes up, Gwaine has a giant bruise on the side of his face and Arthur is gripping a bloody nose. Merlin takes a cab home by himself. 

Two days later, he calls Gwaine and breaks up with him. Gwaine is gracious and elegant about the matter as he always is with things of importance, and unlike Leon, he promises that he isn't mad at Merlin and really means it. 

When they get off the phone, Merlin types in Arthur's number and waits as the call rings. He doesn't know what he's going to say, but it'll probably be something angry and end with "you're such a prat, but I love you. So let's go get some coffee and make out." 

Some girl named Elena answers the phone. Merlin asks her where Arthur is and she says he's in the shower, they've just gotten back to his flat after their date. Merlin hangs up. 

**3.**

Morgana doesn't want to get back together, and that's fine. Arthur's birthday is just something he can't face on his own, not when Elena is so perfect and real and there for Arthur in ways Merlin realizes he could have been all along. Morgana smiles at him when he opens the door, and she looks lovely as she always does. They're a sight to see, the two of them, with Merlin in his one good button up and a pair of tight jeans, and Morgana in her slip of a black dress, showing off too much and not enough. 

When they arrive, he makes sure to look everywhere but where Arthur and Elena are. He knows it's childish of him to be avoiding his best friend on his birthday of all nights, but he can't do it. His chest aches and his eyes burn from not sleeping because Arthur is all he can think about. He's falling apart at the seams in a way he can't seem to sew back up. Morgana squeezes his hand and he tries to relax, but his brain is screaming for Arthur, and his heart is yelling at him to run away. 

Morgana is a good dancer and gets enough drinks into him to lose his inhibitions. He can feel Arthur's body heat beside him when they brush against each other, and their eyes catch. Arthur reaches out for him and his breath freezes in his chest. Leon pulls him away before they touch. 

It is Leon who tells him not to. Leon, who has always had his back, even when he broke his heart because he couldn't get over his attraction to Arthur. He says to watch it, because Arthur is finally happy without Merlin, and no matter how much Leon loves Merlin, Arthur is still his number one best friend. And Merlin listens. 

When Arthur comes up from behind, reeking of alcohol and tugging on Merlin's shirt, they dance. Merlin still can't say no to Arthur, no matter how hard he tries, and they bump and grind sensually beneath the pound of the music. 

He pulls away when Arthur's tongue skids across his skin, when he can feel Arthur's arousal through his trousers. Arthur is panting, saying _no one will know, no one needs to know, love you Merlin, always loved you Merlin_ and it breaks him. Everything breaks in Merlin at the words and he knows he had to get away. He can't breathe, his vision going blurry, and he runs because he can. Morgana grabs him and together they leave, Arthur yelling for him the whole way. 

They get pancakes and Merlin bitches for an hour about it. Morgana just smiles and pats his hand. 

After that, Morgana takes him on comfort dates. They kiss under the setting sun and when Merlin has panic attacks because of stress, she holds him. 

Arthur disappears for two weeks, and when he comes back, it's different. Morgana pets Merlin's hair and says it's okay and starts dating some guy named Cenred. 

Merlin starts drinking coffee. He doesn't go to the pub anymore. Arthur and Elena don't notice. 

**4.**

Lancelot is perfect. He's perfect because he knows he isn't, and he loves Merlin. And Merlin, well, Merlin loves him too. 

When Lancelot proposes four nights after their 11 month anniversary, Merlin barely hesitates. The hesitation is a single name in the back of his mind. _Arthur_. 

Everyone goes out drinking. It's the first time he's really seen and hung out with everyone since Lance and himself got together. Arthur clamps him on the shoulder with a half smile. Morgana grimaces. 

Gwen and Lancelot talk quietly in the corner as Merlin drinks. He can't stop looking at Lance and thinking how great life is going to be. They're going to buy a new home together in suburbia and they'll have dogs because Lance loves dogs and maybe a cat and maybe some day, some day, a baby. 

They go back to their flat and drink cheap wine on the couch. Morgana complains about their color scheme and Leon comments on how gay guys really should know more about interior decorating. Lance's hand feels warm and secure on Merlin's thigh, and for the first time in a long time, Merlin doesn't feel so alone. 

Merlin gets up to get popcorn, and Arthur jogs in after him. They grin at each other, and Merlin asks about work and Elena and life. It's been such a long time since they've talked, and it feels like years have gone since their friendship was strong and real. They talk for a while, Merlin glancing over his shoulder as he prepares a plate of organic vegan chips and salsa. Arthur goes quiet and Merlin looks at him, taking in the bags under his eyes, the stiff line of his mouth. His broad shoulders under his red shirt, his callused hands gripping the counter. He's sipping at a glass of water, looking everywhere but at Merlin. 

_I broke up with Elena_ , he says, his eyes darting around the room. Merlin quirks an eyebrow, silently asking why, asking him to keep going. _I love someone else_ , Arthur whispers, too close for comfort, even if he's on the other side of the room, _I love you, Merlin_. 

Merlin is silent, breathing in through his nose as he looks at the ring on his finger. He can hear Lance's laugh through the wall, fingers the edge of Lance's shirt that he's wearing. He shakes his head, says no. He says, _this isn't fair, Arthur. You can't do this to me._ He says, _how fucking dare you avoid me for so long and then come here and say that to me._

Arthur doesn't say anything else, just throws his glass across the room and yells. 

Everyone rushes in and Merlin lets Lance drag him into their room. He grips at his arm and asks what's wrong, rocks him back and forth when Merlin doesn't say a word. 

Three months later, Merlin packs his bags and leaves the apartment, slamming the door as Lancelot begs him to _listen, just listen Merlin, goddammit!_. He doesn't know where he's headed, except that he has no where to go. Morgana is in Paris for work and he can't go to Gwen – Gwen, the reason why he's not getting married to Lance. It's a bitter taste in his mouth as he hails a cab and tells the driver to go to the nearest airport. 

He buys a ticket to some little island in the Pacific and texts Arthur. _Not getting married anymore_ , it says boldly, _don't try to call me._

He stays on the island, living in a hotel and off of his savings account, for a little more than a week. Eventually, he ends up in his home town with his mother and his uncle, Gauis, and he calls Morgana on his uncle's old cellphone because he'd thrown his into the water when he went snorkel diving and Lance and Leon wouldn't stop calling him. He calms her down and says that he's fine and with his mother and Gauis. Her voice is tight and angry and he gets yelled out because _Merlin you can't run from your problems_ and _I've been worried sick_ and _Arthur and Gwaine were interviewing private investigators to find you_. He laughs at the last one and hums in reply, Morgana sighing and hanging up. 

He gets a letter from Lance. Mostly, it's him apologizing and explaining that _I do love you, but Gwen is my soulmate. I know she is. Please forgive me, please. I know I hurt you, and I'm such a dick for that, but I do love you and I do want you in my life._

The letter, curiously, ends with _Arthur needs you, Merlin. Maybe as much as I need you. Maybe more. Sincerely, Lancelot_. 

Leon calls him and tells him to come home. He listens. 

**5.**

Arthur kisses him at baggage claim and refuses to let him go. They don't speak on the car ride home – back to Arthur's apartment because Merlin doesn't have a flat anymore – and that's okay. Arthur parks the car in front of the complex and unbuckles, turning to Merlin with a slack jaw and vibrant eyes, leaning in and kissing him again. It's slow and painful and desperate, and Arthur makes a low sound in his throat. 

They talk about it. They talk about the pain they put each other through and the hurt and it all sounds vaguely like a Nicholas Sparks novel to Merlin, but he doesn't comment on it. There are plenty more glasses thrown at walls, but there are also soft touches and days spent in bed. Arthur would walk across hot coals for Merlin, and Merlin would follow him to the ends of the Earth in return. 

After that, Merlin decides that he isn't alone at all. Not with Arthur's presence always in his view. And if Arthur is the reason his smiles are more real and his world is lighter – well – he'll never tell him that.

**Author's Note:**

> My poor excuse for retribution on Merlin's part. I thought an angsty-ish Merlin would be good, so this happened. 
> 
> Merlin and Arthur's relationship in this verse really isn't an epic love story. Merlin's just delusional and has obviously never read a Nicholas Sparks novel. I think he just thinks it's epic because he's Merlin. Oh well.


End file.
